Tai Qi

Walking up the steps to the internet cafe, a young Chinese guy called out, "Hurry up!" "You hurry up," I retorted, and then realized that he had, of course, been talking to his friend, a few steps behind him. I should have known a Chinese person wouldn't speak Chinese to me out of the blue, and indeed he looked up and responded with the only English word I bet he knew, "Hello."

There are times when one hates this country.

Today I had a meeting with the ACC field director. We all have to meet with her this week to discuss our feelings early into the semester. I have this belief, left over from childhood, that if you tell your problems to grownups they will be able to fix them. They never actually can, but I am undeterred.

I told her I felt frustrated. On the one hand, I have reached a point in my Chinese where talking to other foreigners is actually making my Chinese worse, as awful as it sounds. I think I've already reached my peak and now I'm just wasting time. But on the other hand, I don't especially care. I've already been to Luguhu. I'm not coming back to China for years, if ever. I am no longer interested in learning this language. Been there, done that.

Her advise, though I found it unsatisfying at the time, was actually the best and only advise she could have given: When you're in a situation you cannot change, you may as well try to enjoy it. And anyway, two months is not a long time.

So I guess that's what I'll do.

Today was our first Tai Qi class, which was enjoyable, though the passers-by could not help but stare at the crowd of foreigners moving their arms, ever so slowly, into the White Dragon Position or whatever it was. When I first arrived in China, the staring didn't bother me - why shouldn't they stare? But it bothers me now. Someday, as I told Zheng Xiaoxue when we were in Lijiang, I will return to America, and I will not be a monster anymore. But for now I just do the best I can.