Losing
Hello. I am in China. There are many people in China, many many, but there are also many people who are elsewhere, people who mean a lot to me, or who did once, or who could have, almost. People come and go so quickly at this age. Firstyears start college, seniors graduate, juniors go abroad. I am twenty years old and I have lost so many people already.
A good thing to do under these circumstances is to listen to a lot of Stars.
Today Lili and I went to Mai Hou (so called because it is behind (houmian) Mai Dang Lao (McDonalds) – several of the local restaurants have nicknames like that) and had scrambled eggs with tomatoes (the best in town), homestyle tofu, and because Lili thought I needed cheering up (see above) sweet little disks of some sort of gooey substance, possibly bean paste or pumpkin. The conversation kind of went like this:
Me: He’s gone. He’s never coming back.
Lili: Yes, it’s very sad.
Me: I don’t understand! How can he not be coming back?
Lili: These things happen.
Me: He didn’t even say goodbye! I am very sad!
Lili: It is okay to be sad.
Me: He’s never coming back. I do not understand.
It was probably extremely boring for her but she’s a good friend like that. However, to put it in perspective, this week’s movie class is To Live, which you should absolutely see even though it will tear your heart out. I don’t think any movie has ever given me a better understanding of Chinese history. And then to cheer yourself up you should watch Needing You with Andy Lao, Hong Kong’s dreamiest actor. You have your orders, get to it.
posted by Emily @ 7:06 AM
2 Comments:
It does seem unfortunate that people who would like to see go stay, while people you would like to see stay don't, but people do come and go, and there isn't anything to be done about it. I expect that the extremely artificial enviroment you are in makes the pang particularly sharp. Sorry.
Apparently I can no longer post without creating account. Tada! An account exists.
I found out today that I got a grant for the logic job, and moreover it is the kind with money for supplies. SB has also gotten money for it, but since she is still waiting to hear back from some editing jobs more English-related she's not sure whether she's going to take the job. She's also been offered a TA position. Enough of these updates!
People exist. (Well, let's suppose they do, at least.) People are motile. Intending words to be helpful does not inevitably make them so. What would Wittgenstein say? The mental images and such associated with playing chess are not among the criteria for when it is appropriate to say of someone that he or she is playing chess. How does that apply to being helpful with words? What would all the crazy semanticists have to say about the failings of language? What about speech acts? Oooh, remember those? I insist!
It may not be entirely fair of me to attempt using Wittgenstein to distract you from your woes when he is not in a state to consent to it. Ah well.
An idea echoing in my mind lately, now that Spring and an underdose of certain philosophy types has started to make me fidget inside, is that things are transitory. Whether it is pleasant or unpleasant, it seems to be the case that moments are transitory. Time with a person is transitory, but so is the time spent hurting about it.
I hope that's useful.
Post a Comment
<< Home